Blame is a common feeling that wells up in us. An event happens which makes us feel something. Usually this something is a negative feeling. We then find a person or a reason outside of ourselves to place the blame. Essentially, we direct our negative feeling back outside of ourselves, to something external. This place of blame is usually not the self, but rather a different person or an event which we think is the cause of our unpleasant feelings. This external thing could also be our sense of self in a different time period. For example, we could think “if only I wouldn’t have done that….”. This is placing the blame the self, but a past version of the self.
Regardless, it’s important to recognize that blame is an externalization of a negative feeling. When we feel good we don’t blame someone or something for a good feeling. When someone makes us laugh and we enjoy the moment of humor, we don’t think “how dare you make me laugh!” Or when the sun sets beautifully over the landscape and the golden light glistens, we don’t say “I blame nature for this beautiful sight.” Blame works in the negative, and it wells up in us when we feel a way we think is unpleasant.
How does this relate to yoga?
Yogis are interested in transforming their internal environment. Through a yoga practice, we come to realize that the issues of our mind are within, not external to us. When we feel badly, this is a feeling that is inside of us. It is really easy to think that the feeling arose because of what happened externally. But blame is a reaction we create via our ego, not a feeling itself.
When we place blame it means we have 1) felt something, 2) decided it is unpleasant, 3) decided we don’t like it, 4) found a reason external to us for its existence. Blame does not occur until step four. Step one is just feeling. Step two is putting an emotional state to that feeling. Step three is deciding we do not like how we are feeling and we want it to end. In step four, we start to look for a cause. It is during this step that our ego (sense of self) decides that we are correct, and something external is incorrect. It’s not enough for our ego to just feel unpleasant, we need to find someone to blame for this feeling. According to our ego, we were just going about our business when something happened that made us feel unpleasant. Perhaps the ego even wants to find the person which it perceives as wronging them and tell them off. Or find someone to tell about how an event has made them feel. The ego wants to talk; wants to reinforce this feeling of blame by externalizing it even further.
However, if we can, as yogis, try to become aware of this, we can work on our internal reactions rather than trying to externalize a negative feeling.
The next time we feel like placing blame, we can stop and reflect upon the feeling that is welling up in us. It may feel unpleasant, yes. But perhaps we can sit with it and recognize it as a feeling. It will fade on its own. It is impermanent. We can also use this as a chance to work on the mind. Can we recognize our desire to find blame for what makes us feel unpleasant? Instead, can we just sit with how we feel?
